Popular imagery can make us all feel inferior and inadequate when it comes to getting into bed and making love. Men “should” be studs who thrust away for hours until their lover collapses in a moaning exhausted heap, after of course she’s had five mind-blowing orgasms in a row. Women “should” be moaning goddesses who come as their man thrusts deep into them while he holds them firmly and takes them to ecstasy. At least, that’s what you might think if you get your ideas of lovemaking from most romantic movies.

(If you get your ideas about sex from porn films, then you might have an even more unrealistic view of sex. Men with nine inch erections dispassionately using women for their own pleasure is definitely not normal.)

The truth, of course, as many of us suspect from our own experience of sex, is that most men come quite quickly, and many don’t know how to control their ejaculation – or they’ve long since given up trying to – while most women never come at all during vaginal intercourse. That may be hard to believe; maybe you even think there’s something wrong with you if you’re a man who can’t make love for ages or you’re a woman who can’t come during intercourse, but the research confirms these things are normal.

One survey, by http://www.VulvaVelvet.org revealed that less than 20% of women (i.e. 1 woman in 5) always expects to come during intercourse without any additonal clitoral stimulation. Other surveys have produced similar results: about 20 years ago, Shere Hite’s research showed that only 26% of women were able to reach orgasm during intercourse without clitoral stimulation. Most of the rest never did, and then only if they had a helping hand on their clitoris. And nothing seems to have changed as time has gone by!

However, maybe this is missing the point. Maybe we should be asking, “Does this matter?” I guess the answer depends on what each woman wants. If what she actually wants is to have sex last longer, for it to involve more touching, carressing, oral sex and intimacy before penetration, and to have one or more orgasms during this time, then the solution lies in her man taking a different approach to sex. If, however, what she wants is to have an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, then she needs a sex position that is more likely to deliver it – and a man who can last long enough to make sure it happens.

Hmm…now that begins to sound a bit more challenging.

So, here are some ideas that may help. I’m going to assume that most women need a finger or hand on their clitoris, or some other kind of clitoral stimulation, to reach orgasm, during intercourse or not. Whether or not a woman can come from vaginal thrusting alone may have more to do with the mystery of the G-spot and the reality – or otherwise – of the vaginal orgasm.

The idea here is to offer ideas about some sex positions that can help a woman reach orgasm during intercourse, one way or another.

First then, is the good old man on top or missionary position. You’ll have noticed, no doubt, that normally the penis doesn’t go anywhere near the clitoris during intercourse. But the “normal” man on top position can be modified so that there’s more clitoral stimulation, using what’s called the Coital Alignment Technique.

After the man enters his partner, face to face, him on top, he shifts his body higher up, so that his penis is entering her vagina from a sharper angle. The base of his penis will then be pressed against the area of her clitoris. The thing is, he doesn’t thrust. In fact, he pretty much lies on his partner with his body shifted up hers, and the couple rock their pelvises against each other until they both come.

This can also be tried with the woman on top, which is likely to be more successful if the man is heavy.

The next likely candidate for a magnificent orgasm is the woman on top position. The reason this can be good for her is that she can move at the pace, and adjust the angle and depth of penetration so that she gets the stimulation on her clitoris and vagina most likely to bring her to orgasm.

The same idea but with the woman facing away from the man is a position called the “Reverse Cowgirl”. You can work that name out for yourselves, I’m sure!

There are another two positions to consider if you’re into orgasmic intercourse. First off, if rear entry does it for you, there’s ample opportunity in this position for either partner to play with her clitoris during sex. Timing it so that she comes before he does is crucial, and he may need to slow down or stop thrusting during sex to allow her to get near her orgasm. If you time it right, you may even be able to reach your orgasms at the same time.

And finally, in this roll call of positions for orgasm, is the side by side, facing each other position. It’s much more romantic than the rear entry position, which some women think is a bit impersonal, and it allows for both gentle, slow lovemaking and faster thrusting. Either he or she can easily reach down and play with her clitoris, keeping the pace right until it’s time to climax.